Sealing wax

2005-07-28T17:48:00.000-07:00

You are now nothing more than a memory. Congratulations.

Hier soir quand nous étions jeunes

2005-03-10T18:22:00.000-08:00

Tu essaie de m'oublier, mais je sais que tu ne peux pas. Je veux toujours me rappeler quand nous étions dans l'amour. Ce n'est pas un secret--tu le sais bien et j'aussi.

All around me are familar faces.

2005-03-09T18:04:00.000-08:00

I remember going out to eat with his dad, whose name was also Ramón. Always somewhere I'd never been before...introducing me to Salvadorian cuisine as well as a number of his (Mr. Ramón's) friends. Sandwiches at Il Vaccino that just barely fit between my teeth...laughing about the size of my mouth. I remember the way we preferred to eat a meal at 4 and surpass lunch and dinner. Panda Express days before chorus. Venturing through the aisles in that Albertons across the parking lot. Buying flowers for countless friends to elicit smiles. I remember first getting excited about Dispatch--his songs (Hey Hey and Bridges) and my song (Elias)...the way Walk With You would become the song we shared. I always liked Seasons more than he did. Those weeks when his car went rancid and water leaked in through the floorboards. The wooden plank he set down for my feet...that seatbelt he never did fix. My "decorations." Steph and I named it Pat that day in the Keva Juice parking lot (which was the same as the Panda Express parking lot). I remember Halo parties. Getting lost on the way to Michiah's...laughing at Seth's tiny feet or how angry the game would make Cameron--our Angry Fish. My fake belly button ring. Those photos of Jacey that made him look like an old woman. Staying at Shoshie's until 3 with Quinn, laughing about innuendoes. Anything Goes. Buying flowers for the boys...watching the DVD until I knew it by heart. Meeting Winston at prom. The other Winton: Spades. He liked me, I remember. Congratulated Ramón on a good selection. Sage, his sister--Seth's girlfriend. More testosterone packed into her tiny 5' 1" frame than any of the boys--she never slept. So Jewish it was cute...the accent...that out of control orange hair. I remember All Species Day. Worrying about sunburn. Drinking enough water...lunch at that Mexican place I'd never been where Wyetta told me I was always welcome, even if and when Ramón and I parted ways. Flashforward. The most awkward of all days. Borders with Nate and Thomas--their inappropriate sniggering. Ramón. And Mr. Ramón--the way he politely avoided my eyes while his son scowled at my shoes. Rewind again to the good times. Being a cookie--making Morgan roll his eyes. All the way back at Hummingbird...to him, I was Pearl. A mysterious creature of her own realm. The countless photos. Playing the flute. He carried me along the moonlit path. That weekend was unreal. I was insightful, separated, beautiful...if only for a moment. The weekend he fell in love with me. Evenings at Cowgirl. The salsa like no where else. Slap us down a BARB, won't you, please? Tiny precious moments at the Railyard waiting for his father to finish whorring and come to dinner. The houses. His mom's that always made me sneeze, though it was with one with the big comfortable bed. The day with Colin and Jacob when I got out of control...the striped shirt he lent to Jacob and then gave to me to keep. His dad's--Final Fantasy X...getting caught in my bra and not caring. Sprizer. Questionable findings sculpted in chocolate. Halo with Brendan. Sitting on the porch in the sunshine. You had to remember to lock the door. I remember those roads at night...thousands of little dirt hills and curves--like the map of a symphony. Rewind some more to my month of un-space. How happy we both were to have reached an understanding, an agreement...mostly me getting over myself and discovering him. Rewind all the way back to the concert. Only the Rodrigo mattered, really. (To us, anyway.) That Goddamned 4-note solo that I played more perfectly than time. The passion he drew out of that guitar...like I'd never believed possible before. The tears. The hate. The longing. The intensity that enfolded that night. Flashforward. Photoshoots at Starbucks...the coffee stirrer that lingered between my lips...curled hair, feeling pretty. Candids at Blue Corn. They always gave us a drink menu. We always smiled. Together, we laughed, we cried, we smiled, we yelled. Helping my brother move into his apartment. Discussion with regard to Ramón's milkshake (a.k.a. windshield). Catching ourselves in the middle of that parking lot in the middle of my favorite time of day--just before twilight..."We should get an apartment" I said. "I'd like that." He smiled and it made sense to both of us in its own silent way. Later we went inside for dinner and talked music (recordings) with my brother and his lovely wife...she lent me 20 some CDs. Ramón made a present of a discman adapter for my brother. Together, we were happy.

Flashforward to today. We haven't spoken in 9 months.

It pays to remember.

Sealing wax

Hier soir quand nous étions jeunes

All around me are familar faces.